Dear God,

I looooooooove Music soooooo much; after I started purging thoughts for this blog I found this song and deemed it The soundtrack for this blog. This blog is just for Me. I look forward to coming back to this one and being like: Whew! I'm glad I've moved from There! Play the song, read and do what you will with it.

My motivation is debilitated…smothered by Dreams…suffocated by Despair. It’s as though I’m scared to get in touch with myself…fear of being beaten down even more if I dig deeper so I stay away from Me. I’m well aware of my innate trait to treat those I’ve known as strangers, but I’ve taken it too far and have become unfamiliar to myself. I desire to be so much more than what I am now, but the chaos and calamity that envelops me is like the weight of many bricks and the load is getting harder by the day to carry. Lately I often wonder if I should just throw the towel in, buckle at the knees, and give in to my Failures that are wrestling with my potential to Succeed. I wish that only for a second I could turn my thoughts off…only for two seconds I could have the option to be irresponsible…only for three seconds I could be away from it All. The indignity of the pace of my success runs rampant in my mind causing me to wonder if all my aspirations are just merely unsound reveries to keep Me content for only a moment. Lately I’m in constant battle with The stranger inside that seems to have taken reign over my mind and allows me to think that my visions are impossible.

Feeling so torn because The Creditors do not care how the debts are satisfied, but God does. Totally discombobulated because how long am I to wait for Man’s job offer before I decide to dance with Hell…again?? Father You know my heart…You’ve witnessed my change…You see me on bended knee…You see me waiting on a Word from You…I am grateful because even in the midst of funds being insufficient you are supplying All my needs, but I’m still confused; do I give up these possessions of The world?? I’m struggling to focus on my focus because deep down inside I know my dreams are attainable but my current condition is blurring my vision…I plead to hear a Word from You.

28

"It’s truly awe-inspiring how dramatically one’s life changes in the short period of time that is your twenties." Hipstercrite

The above line speaks masses of volume for me!! I could have pasted that and just hit the publish key lol. If only I could recall my twenty-something lived years as well as her, but I've got to get it together because that's a trilogy waiting to happen. I planned on "going" somewhere totally different in this blog but was led to her site to be moved in another way (I'm all over the place in my head). These years in the twenties have been tumultuous but most of the chaos I brought into my life due to my reckless decisions but THIS year…THIS year marked a pivotal change for me and will always be paramount for the rest of my life. Sometimes I feel insane because I’m STILL eager to see the rest of my life play-out to The End; experiencing Peace simultaneously while adapting to the loss of my mother’s Presence is an uncanny feeling…even though I’ve experienced the loss of a loved one, losing my mother sums it up: we’re here for a limited time only…so why not make the best of it?? Embrace what Is and stop going against the grain…anyway enough of that…read the book(when I finish).

Soooo lunch with Myself today was the move…I didn’t read any of my book nor did I map my Friday but I did meet a cool male. Candler Road committee people he feels the same was as moi! Our conversation flowed well and we found some commonalities amongst us. After we paid our bills he shook my hand and told me it was nice to meet me….AND went off into the day????! Lol it was awkward because he asked soooo many questions that should have led to him asking for the algebra lmbo but he didn’t! And me slow-to-move Taurus the Bull is so okay with that…If it’s meant for me then we’ll cross each others’ path again…I’m sure of that!

The only thing I did today to prepare for tomorrow was put my money to the side for my tat lol!! Goodness gracious…