My motivation is debilitated…smothered by Dreams…suffocated by Despair. It’s as though I’m scared to get in touch with myself…fear of being beaten down even more if I dig deeper so I stay away from Me. I’m well aware of my innate trait to treat those I’ve known as strangers, but I’ve taken it too far and have become unfamiliar to myself. I desire to be so much more than what I am now, but the chaos and calamity that envelops me is like the weight of many bricks and the load is getting harder by the day to carry. Lately I often wonder if I should just throw the towel in, buckle at the knees, and give in to my Failures that are wrestling with my potential to Succeed. I wish that only for a second I could turn my thoughts off…only for two seconds I could have the option to be irresponsible…only for three seconds I could be away from it All. The indignity of the pace of my success runs rampant in my mind causing me to wonder if all my aspirations are just merely unsound reveries to keep Me content for only a moment. Lately I’m in constant battle with The stranger inside that seems to have taken reign over my mind and allows me to think that my visions are impossible.
Feeling so torn because The Creditors do not care how the debts are satisfied, but God does. Totally discombobulated because how long am I to wait for Man’s job offer before I decide to dance with Hell…again?? Father You know my heart…You’ve witnessed my change…You see me on bended knee…You see me waiting on a Word from You…I am grateful because even in the midst of funds being insufficient you are supplying All my needs, but I’m still confused; do I give up these possessions of The world?? I’m struggling to focus on my focus because deep down inside I know my dreams are attainable but my current condition is blurring my vision…I plead to hear a Word from You.